Some time ago I had to give my students a speaking test. It consisted of me asking them a series of questions to test there fluency in English. These are some of the questions - and some of the more interesting answers I received:

QUESTION: Who is your favorite music artist? Why do you like them?

Answer: You know Hip-Hop? I like Nas because… he is very famous.

Answer: I like Lonely Island because they have very sexual content songs like “dick in a box,”  “Jizz my pants” and whatever.

Answer: I like Girls Generation because they so cute. Ahh… [he adjusted himself in his seat and smiled] Yes, they are so cute.

Answer: My favorite artist is Kanye West, because his voice is very charming.

Answer: My favorite musician is Corinne Bailey Rae, because her voice is very beautiful [he seemed quite sincere and a bit emotional so I smiled a little at this].

QUESTION: What school subject are you interested in? Why are you interested in it?

Answer: I like science because teacher is girl.

Answer: I like English because I like Alex teacher [he looked me in the eyes and smiled at his blatant attempt to stroke my ego]

QUESTION: What country, besides Korea, would you be most interested in traveling to, and why?

Answer: No. I don’t want to travel. I like Korea.

QUESTION: Besides English what other languages would you be interested in learning, and why?

Answer: Chinese, because it is funny.

QUESTION:  Are there any people you admire? Why do you admire them?

Answer: I admire Michael Jackson because he has beautiful voice and he is dancing Queen.

---Me: Queen?

---Answer: uh, uh, uh King! Dance King! I spell: d-a-n-c-e!...

Answer: I admire Alex teacher because he is very smart, wonderful, and nice.

QUESTION: What do you think would make this school better?

Answer: I would change the teachers. There is so much… uh… [he mimicked violently beating someone with a stick]. There is so much touch.

Answer: I would make this school co-educational. We need girls.

Answer: I think we should have the girlfriends. I don’t like the girlfriends, but the girl students are very diligent. They… [he mimicked reading a book] When boy see the girlfriends they will be challenged.

QUESTION: What Korean food do you like the most, and why?

Answer: Kimchi, because it is spicy and I like spicy foods.

Answer: Sun do bu, because it is spicy and delicious.

Answer: Bi Bim Bap, because it is spicy and tasty.

Answer: Kimchi Gigae, because it is spicy and good.

Answer: Tteokbokki, because it is spicy and spicy foods is very good to me.

Answer: I like the Steak.

QUESTION: What is your favorite Korean holiday, and why?

Answer: Lunar new year. Because I get the money.